Friday, November 21, 2008


I love any excust to celebrate. But today was not a day plump with celebrations waiting to happen. I slept poorly, tossing and turning about. I couldn't seem to get anything done. The things I was supposed to do I couldn't get excited about. The things I tried to do were failures -- like the e-mail I tried to send that was returned to me over and over and over again. I was grumpy, staring at the clock and wishing that it was 5 o'clock instead of 11 o'clock. If it were 5 I could at least have a glass of wine and feel as my worries sashayed away into a boozy haze.
But yet, it was a birthday. And an important one too -- my darling baby brother's. There was cause for celebration. I am a big believer in the idea that if someone is truly dear to you, you should celebrate their birthday regardless of if you are actually with them. Which is why after I finished a particularly sweaty yoga class I stoped at the store to shop for cake. There were slices of cake, black bottom cupcakes, gingerbread black bottom cupcakes, and vegan cakes. There was pumpkin chocolate bread that beckoned, but it didn't seem birthday-ish enough. And then there were the darling mini-cup cakes: white cake with green icing and orange sprinkles. They called them fall cupcakes, though they reminded me a bit more of tiny alien cakes. But they were celebratory while also embracing my wacky, verging on sullen mood.
I carried them up Market Street in San Francisco, up a very big and steep hill, and up a secret and shaded passage way. I could feel the cupcakes rolling about in their box. I don't imagine that many people try to transport mini-cupcakes, they just eat them. I was worried the cupcakes wouldn't be as festive looking once I finally arrived home, that they would be mashed and ugly and that then my mood might be even more dejected then it was before.
But ta-dah, they survived. They were just as sprightly and peppy as they were on the cake plate. And now the question became, when to eat them and how to celebrate a birthday boy who isn't even here?
And so the cupcakes sit. Waiting for the moment when I just can't stand it any more, when I have to eat one. This is why there are two. So if I pick the wrong moment I will have a second chance. And today is a day when second chances and cupcakes sound particularly good.

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